A necessary step.

a throwback

Ok, this seems like a good point, a natural point even, to announce the winner of the Quiz of the Year 2014. (editorial note t)

There is one?

Oh yes.

I didn’t think anyone had entered and even if they had I didn’t think they would have been able to answer any of the questions – it was so fiendishly difficult.

It was a piece of cake.

It was really hard.

It was a doddle.

It wasn’t .

It was.

Don’t start that again.

I didn’t, you did.

Didn’t.

Did too.

Look, are we going to go through all that again? (editorial note t)

We could.

Let’s not. Give me an example.

There’s no point, no one gives a dog drop about the whole thing.

You do.

I did, I let it go – there’s no point in listing all the answers and how to find them. No one gives a dog… I’ve said that haven’t i.

You have.

If anyone wants to know they can drop a comment and we’ll answer it.

Fair enough – so who won?

Well, there’s the rub, there are only two people who answered.

Who?

Ah, well, Mary and Anonymous.

Anonymous?

Anonymous.

Not Anon and mouse?

No, Anonymous.

That will make it difficult if Anonymous won won’t it?

It will, because we’ll have to say ‘Anonymous – you’ve won, please let us know who you are so we can send you the big prize’ and then any old dick and harry could say – ‘it was me’.

Except that it wasn’t dick or harry was it?

No.

But there is a big prize?

There is!!

Ok, add up the points, who won – anonymous or Mary?

Hang on……. look here’s a case in point. Question 30. ‘How many different Christmas Trees?”

That’s easy peasy.

See, I told you.

How could anyone fail to answer that? There was a Christmas Tree on EVERY page of the Quiz of The Year. All different, all labelled!

Except.

Except?

Except on Christmas Day!

When it was CLEARLY labelled that the ‘24th tree was a detail of the 23rd’.

So There were only 29 DIFFERENT Christmas Trees and the question CLEARLY said ‘different’.

That was a trap.

A little one.

Did anyone get it right?

No – Mary said 30.

She fell in the trap!

Hook line and sinker.

I don’t think you can say that in this context.

I just did.

Ok – so how many points did Mary get?

Well – she got number 27 wrong – I mean, just look at the picture! The answer is – a pumpkin! But number 26 she got right.

I COULD have got that right – you told us the next day what the answer was.

Yes – but you didn’t answer. Mary did. She was the first so got double points. So - 2 points for that one. Number 24 she got wrong, I mean why on earth would September be the longest month of the year?

It might be in Canada?

I doubt it very much.

She had a go though. How many points in total?

2.

2?

2.

She got one question right out of 30?

Yes.

How about Anonymous?

Half a point.

Half? Is that possible?

Well, question one was in two parts. They only answered the first part. I think half a point is generous.

Shouldn’t it be double if they were the first and half right?

That’s pushing it, what if someone else had answered correctly with both parts?

Did they?

No.

Double points then!

Ok, Anonymous gets one point.

What about Question 5?

What about it?

Didn’t you give a bonus point to Anonymous?

Different Anonymous.

How do you know?

I just do.

So…?

Final scores – Anonymous One gets one point. Anonymous Two gets one point (no doubles available on bonus points) and Mary runs away with her THIRD Grand Prize with an unbeatable 2 points.

Fixed.

No it isn’t.

Mary always wins.

No she doesn’t.

Does.

Doesn’t.

Does.

Doesn’t, and no returns for a million years.