Monday 15 September 2014

Earthy foe.

I finished at, but did I rest then? Did the missus call out –“Cuppa tea luv?”

No she did not. I could have murdered a cuppa, if thou couldst kill.

But thou shall not.

Anyway I had bigger problems to deal with.

Old man Nick, the next-door neighbour.

He’s a cantankerous old git at the best of times but it seemed that whilst I had been busy creating a world and everything that swims and crawls in it - you lot included - he had taken it in his head to have a little fun too.

I knew this when he knocked on the door just after 5.

“Hi Jo, I thought I’d drop this back, thanks for the loan” And he handed me one of my old creating dishes. “I borrowed it whilst you were out in the, er, those swirling things”

“Seas, they’re called seas and stop calling me Jo, the name’s Jehovah – look it says it on the gate” and I pointed at the gate.

I had painted ‘Jehovah’s Repose’ on the gate in bright yellow gloss paint the night before, at the end of The Sixth Day.

“Oh, sorry, I hadn’t noticed it, anyway, thanks again.”

Nick’s like that, always barging in where he’s not wanted, taking things without asking,
wanting what’s not his, and never saying sorry. I bet he talks with his mouth full at the kitchen table too.

“What are you talking about, I didn’t say you could borrow this!” I was angry now.

“Yes you did”, he lies through his front teeth too; you can’t trust him an inch.

“No I didn’t.” If I got any angrier I would probably call up a swam of locusts.

“You said ‘help yourself’ when I came round for dinner.”

“That was six eras ago!, you idiot!”

“Well you know what they say - You are Your word, and Your word is You” and he walked away.
I peered into the bowl and saw the dark red stain in the bottom.

“Bloody hell, that wasn’t there before”.

I called him back, but he just ignored me, so I called upstairs and we went round and knocked on his door – red gloss paint.

“Talk to my lawyers” he called out through the letterbox, and there they were – they appeared from nowhere.

“What’s a lawyer?” I replied.

“Ask them”.

And that’s what I did the rest of the day.

And the next.

And ever since.

Sometimes it seems like an eternity.

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