Saturday 31 May 2014

New (unpaid) employee of the year.

Antediluvian, there’s a word that doesn’t crop up every day.

I don’t think it describes a product useful for preventing premature dissolving, though that could be useful in many situations – blogs with no inspiration, bloggers with not enough hair etc etc…

Nor does it explains someone’s political attitude towards…. Well, anything in fact.

No, apparently – and maybe you already knew this – it describes the inhabitants of the pre deluge world; who, if the film I saw yesterday can be trusted, were a remarkably weird bunch of people.

Talking of a weird bunch of people, we have a few here at Bitsnbobs.

And we had a deluge too.

Ah, Ms. Penny, she was a treasure.

Worth her weight in  - er – pennies I guess.

She was lost in the floods sent by some biblical malevolence and with her much of the archives she had devotedly catalogued.

She will never be replaced; she will be eternally mourned.

“Oh, if only I had been wiser!!!” he cries.

Except of course she was.

First there was that skinny Bulgarian student who cycled everywhere.

Or was she Romanian.

Ah, thanks.

Then there was Mary P.

She’s a weird one.

She stormed in here yesterday and boy was she angry; her face the colour of ash and the words spitting from her mouth the colour of the furnace.

Anger can make some women look desirable, but oh no not this time.

Even her tattoo - that which had attracted the editor to her in the first place - was pulsating like something radioactive.

As one man, we backed off.

Not everything she said can be repeated here, and much was incomprehensible as it was forged, but words like………. incompetence…. abuse…… stick it up your…… hung in the air long after she had departed.

I think we even found an Antediluvian.

We were still sitting in total shock several hours later when a man walked in who looked the splitting image of the Noah image that floats somewhere in the collective subconscious of all those who work night and day to bring you these posts.

“Hi, I’m Bob”

“Hi Bob, are you Scottish?”

“Aye, that I am lady.”


“Oh, sorry, laddy, I slipped on the keyboard.”

“How can we help you Bob?”

“I’m looking for a job.”

"We've got no money"

"Neither have i."

We looked around at the pile of cardboard boxes piled on the pile of cardboard boxes that Mary P had piled upon us as the torrent of venom erupted from deep within her.

“Got any room for these boxes?”

“There’s* the railway carriages”

“The railway carriages?”

“I live in the Trossachs”

“You’re not making sense Bob.”

“Fuck, It could be my accent.”

“Watch your language Bob, there’s ladies present.”

“Scottish, what’s yours?”

And that’s why we hired him, that and his earlier grammatical error* – Bitsnbobs are a sucker for puns.

He has no experience as an archivist and he doesn’t seem to consider organization as one of his key transferable skills, but maybe that’s what the Bitsnbobs archive need?

Some chaos.

Anyhow, Bob picked up the boxes – Bob’s Boxes – and loaded them into the back of his blue Bedford van – Bob’s Blue Bedford’s Boxes (BBs ’n BBs) – and drove a very long way back to the disused railway station amongst the very beautiful Trossach Mountains of Scotland near the village of Callendar wherein he resides, with the BBs n BBs housed in most of the abandoned railway carriages out back.

It’s a beautiful place.

Rusting rolling stock in a field of wild flowers overlooking a Loch.

You should visit.


Lesley FW said...

I could live in a box if the view is that good.

popps said...

Hi lesley, there was someone - very much wiser than i - who said 'if you can imagine it, it exists somewhere'

As i write that i suddenly think it might have been at the end of David Byrnes movie.

popps said...
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