Monday 15 October 2018

Round 42.


There are may places where you can feel alone - in the middle of a big city amongst millions of people is perhaps the easiest, in an empty one room flat is one of the hardest.

There is a sink under the only window from which I look down onto the streets of this biggest of cities. On the ground floor is an empty carpet showroom with a For Sale sign still standing after a year; on the floor above there is storage space, also empty.

It’s six a.m.

I can’t sleep.

I had dreamed of someone I once knew. In better times I would have taken this as a sign and phoned him to check everything was ok, but I no longer have the desire, or a phone. I have no coffee either, and right now that need is the most urgent.

The early morning air is still chilly, my breath clouding a little in the weak sunshine; this is meant to be summer but so many things are disappointing today, that I hardly notice.

Stepping outside makes me feel less lonely. For a moment I am fooled into thinking myself part of something greater, before I remember that no one really cares.

I pass someone walking in the opposite direction; they are looking away.

They are walking a dog.

They have a companion and the absence surrounding me feels larger, though I smile at the dog.

And the dog looks back.

Then it stops and takes a shit.

The owner looks at it like it’s shit.

Which it is.

I walk on; there used to be a coffee shop around here someplace and I am hoping it is still there.
I feel a little disorientated, my communion with the dog has perturbed me.

Though communion is maybe too strong a word.

There used to be a church around here too but the need for communion died and the church became a bingo hall, and the bingo hall closed and it became an empty church.

The empty church was sold to someone who didn’t have much believe in anything and it became a car park.

But no one parks there, because no one comes here and so today it is just an empty space.

An empty space where the litter and the cold winds blow.

There are many places where you can feel alone, and an empty place like this is one of the worst.


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