Monday 12 February 2018

Round 7.


This Forest is always here; the road runs through the centre, it’s just that I forget and it surprises me every time.

The forest is big, bigger than I ever remember and there are hundreds of tracks leading off of the main strand; you are standing there today.

In your garden, surrounded by bamboo and cacti: in a cave on a beach in southern Spain, in a flat on Ehren Strasse where we first met.

Why didn’t you stay with her?

She is special.

I saw a photo of her on the wall of the home she shares with the doctor, she is young like when you and her first met.

She is beautiful.

You know - she still snorts when she laughs, I had forgotten that. If you had reminded me I would have recalled but it came as a surprise, like it did the first time.

She has a nice laugh.

I think you were maybe too intense for her, that or… maybe you just weren’t committed.

I know that it was not easy for her; she was ready to… no maybe that’s unfair……you were ready too, but she didn’t want to give up everything without being sure.

And you were sure that you couldn’t stay in that flat on Ehren Strasse, in that city.

Too far North.

You are from the South.

This city was too cold for you, temperature and passion- though it’s better today.

Or maybe I’ve changed.

More accepting?

I hope it’s not colder.

I don’t think it is – I went to the cinema last night, not far from Ehren Strasse. The cinema was small, the ticket office is in one building and you have to come out onto the street before going back into another building to find the screen.

There is only one person handling ticket sales, chocolate and beverages; he has a tiny old computer where every choice is digitalised yet he still has to hand-correct the print out in pen and ink.

I took one seat for Zappa’s ‘Eat That Question’, a bar of chocolate and a glass of red wine.

There was much to admire in the film and much to laugh with. The audience laughed along with me.

It didn’t feel cold.

Understanding, that would be the word to use.

Maybe this city is under-standing, maybe it always was – or maybe it has come to accept itself.

Maybe I have too.

She never needed to.

You tried; you tried everything I think – including deep meditation.

I hope you found that acceptance at the end.

Do you remember the last time we saw each other? It was Christmas Time and you saved my life when I set light to my pyjamas.

I was still inside them.

Thank you.

Thank you for the cave on the beach in Southern Spain, thank you for the bread that was on your table when I walked into you house, thank you for the photos you took, your garden that you gave.

Thank you for being in the Forest this morning.

I have to take another track now.

But the Forest is always here, I will see you again.

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