Wednesday 4 March 2015

Identifying lemonade.



Hello, Bitsnbobs the blog with a direct line, can we help?


There’s two of us.



Hi, it’s Bob.

Bob! How are you, we were a tad worried – rumour was that you had disappeared. We rang you only a few minutes ago, though it probably seems like yesterday.

I know, that’s why I rang, Miskiva told me.

Yes, Miskiva – who is she?

Ah, which one?

Which one! How many are there ?



They’re twins.


Identical AND with the same name.

That’s confusing.

It is.

Who is she, they?

I told you about her before (editorial note t) she’s been helping with the archives.

Yes, arranging the boxes alphabetically you said.

I just didn’t realise at first that there were two of them; they look so identically identical.

That must be confusing.

Yes, but then things escalated and I fell in love with one of them.


We started sleeping together.

How do you know which one it is?

I don’t. Then I figured, why not.



That could be confusing.

Only if you worry about it.

I’d start worrying.

You’re not me.

Chance would be…. How are the boxes, have they suffered from professional inattention?

No, no, fret thee not, all is well, we’ve moved them up to the bothy.

The bothy?

Yep, it’s up above the waterfall, beautiful walk - back out beyond the railway carriages.

Are they safe?

Yep, Miskiva is up there, washing them.

Washing them?

Yep, there are cat footprints all over them.

Have you got a cat?



Miskiva has seven.



That’s a lot of cats.

It’s a lot of Miskivas.

Oh hi, how are you?

Fine thanks, but hey, if there’s a spare Miskiva, give her my number.

You’ll be lucky.

I don’t mind being confused.

He likes cats too.


By the way what language is she speaking, have you sorted that out yet?

Not a clue. I’ll look into it.


Bob, look the other reason we rang is because, as you can see, we are running out of things to say and we need some help from the Archives.


Have you got anything – a month of posts for example?

No can do – we’re in mid limeonyesha.

Lemonade ?


What’s that ?

Miskiva’s word.

Which one ?


No, which Miskiva ? This IS confusing.

You’re telling me ! Imagine what it’s like when her mum rings !

Hang on, i’ll do that…..

(to be continued)..........


Anonymous said...

Very confusing.

popps said...

It's not confusing it's... er, hang n.... ok, it is a bit - and it does say so in the text at least three times.
You see there's a guy called Bob - he lives up in Scotland where he looks after the Bitsnbobs Archives - a place where stuff that gets written but doesn't get posted sits about in boxes waiting to get catalogued until suddenly they might get posted after all. Sometimes they get published internally in the archives first. Ok?
Anyway Bob - who's a volunteer - met someone called Miskiva who apparently has a lot of acts and has been helping with the cataloguing that has or hasn't been happening. he might have fallen in love with her her only she turns out to be a twin and he might have fallen in love with the other one because he can't tell them apart.
I don't think they share a common language either.
Anway... here in the post we have stumbled upon a three way conversation between Bob, the editorial staff and HIM (the voice and conscience of the other part of the editorial staff) who doesn't, officially speaking, exist.
Unfortunately something happened in the transcription of the telephone conversation and what started out with Bob phoning the editorial staff ended up being the editorial staff and HIM phoning Bob.
it was a miracle any of them were at home when this happened and we should probably be thankful for whatever transcript we have.
I hope that clears it all up.
Bob is in blue by the way, HIM in bold italics and the editorial staff in classic plain font. .