Tuesday 1 March 2011

Even the Sky.

The first time you came into my house, the first time I met you Mack, you were little more than a baby and I was VERY surprised.

My cat, whose sixth kitten we had finally, just found a home for, was SHOCKED.

Krissie though was very proud and announced cheerfully – “I saved his life, his name is Macutio”.

And thus a bond was formed.

That was fourteen years ago, and now, though I know it not to be true with my brain, my heart can not allow that there existed a time when you were not a part of it.

Though it will have to now

Krissie saved your life again a few years ago when she brought you back from an isolated dying, physically and spiritually, and nursed you as one of us.

The bond between you and her, strong already became something more, I have sat next to you both on the sofa of evening, and felt jealous.

Last night as I was almost asleep she suddenly woke me saying – “I want to be cremated when I die.”

I was groggy with somnia, and replied – “If you are created” - I was very groggy - “where would you like your ashes to be laid?”

“With Mack.”

We didn’t cremate you Mack, we laid you to rest in your meadow, alongside magic stone under oak and cherry and, suitably, flowering catkin.

Spring is coming, but you won’t see this one.

And it will be less for it.

Krissie tried to save your life one more time.

But it was your time.

I brought her coat and scarf, coffee to, to keep her warm as she sat with you outside this cold morn.

The last time I held someone watching them die was almost thirty years ago, it was my mother; for Krissie it has been more recent.

So her tears were more complex.

All these endings take their toil, leave us diminished yet fuller, the weight of sadness added to our capacity to love, which grows but leaves us even more burdened the next time.

It can be a cruel world.


We would be right to rage.

You did not.

You slipped from us slowly, your head rested in Krissie’s arm, your eyes staring into mine.

When we buried you on Saturday, it rained.

The sky cried for you too.

photo by loui


Mary said...

"Until one has loved an animal, a part of one's soul remains unawakened. " (Anatole France, Nobel Prize winning poet, novelist)

Sad News.

popps said...

I'd go along with that Mary, it was the saying goodbye that was new for me, having to agree that he was put to sleep was very traumatic, so much more than i could have imagined.
And i have 5 more cats!
i don't know that i can handle getting any older.

Mary said...

Both of my white cats [you remember them] -- 'Pussy Cat' and 'Little One' passed away in my arms. With the passing of each, I felt such a sharp, overwhelming and sustained pain in my heart. Even now I dream about them, and sometimes, when I walk in the front door, I expect to see them, I call out their names. Can't help it.

Unfortunately, I CAN imagine what Krissie and you are going through.

We mourn them because they only have us to remember them.

So sorry.


popps said...


Anne Hodgson said...

Dear cat. Hang in there.

popps said...


Anne Hodgson said...

did he have a *k* in there, really? sweet

popps said...

He was REALLY sweet Anne.
Do you know Kramer in the Seinfiled show?
Macutio entered the house in the same way