Remind me!

You know those « memorable name » passwords that banks love so much?

I can’t remember mine.

It’s not that I can’t remember the name, I can’t remember which one I gave them, and as I get older, instead of memory failure being the problem, it’s memorable name possibility that is causing me concern.

The choice is exponentially expanding.

Now that my son is dating I not only have to remember his girlfriend’s name, but, as it develops in seriousness, her mother’s name, her dad’s, her mum’s lover’s, her two dogs’, her brother and her mum’s lover’s son’s - there’s eight just there.

Then there’s the guy who picked up my computer from the middle of the road the other week after it had fallen from the roof of the car as I left the office. I had wondered why he continued to flash his headlamps at me ALL the way to the ring road; I assumed it was because of my driving. I have to remember his name as I have to ring him twice a month and thank him, just in case I do it again.

The mayor in my local village, the guys I am working with this afternoon, the name of the hotel where Krissie is staying, my daughter’s headmaster, a dozen or so colleagues in each of three different work places, my dad’s middle name, the singer who I just heard on the radio who’s album I want for Christmas, the name of the guy whose horses keep appearing in my garden so I can find his number in the phone book, the name of the other guy who owns the cows that keep turning up in my garden and the sixteen names of the characters in the story I have been writing with whatshis name for the last five years or so.

Michael!

So I rang the customer service department at my bank.

“Hello, can I have your account number please?”

No problem.

“And the second and fourth number of your security code?”

“Can you remind me how many numbers there are in my security code?”

“Sorry?”

“No, it’s ok, don’t apologise, could you just remind me how many numbers there are in my security code, I know it’s something to do with my first girlfriend’s phone number but I can’t remember if I used all of it or part of it. I don’t know why I remember her phone number so well; I can’t even remember my own mobile phone number.”

“Five.”

“Ah, then it’s this and that”

“This and that? I need two numbers”

“I know , I gave you two numbers, I just said this and that to be confidential on my blog”

“Ah, and how can I help you?”

“Well you could put some money into my account for me; otherwise I need a memorable name reminder, I was trying to buy some Christmas presents online and I got the wrong memorable name”

“You are allowed three attempts”

“Is it the name of my first girlfriend?”

“How would I know”

“Well, could you tell me is it two names or just one?”

“How many names did she have?”

“Well it might be her nickname;”

“What was that?”

“Buttons.”

“No that’s not what it says here”

“What does it begin with?”

“One of the letters in the alphabet.”

“What happens if I get it wrong three times?”

“You can do a full security check and reset it.”

“Ok , let’s do that.”

“Can I have your full address please?”

No problem.

“And can I have your previous address?”

“What?”

“Your previous address.”

“That was 18 years ago”

I gave her the address.

It wasn’t what was written down, but it was where I had lived.

Weird, so I tried another, my first girlfriend’s – it was correct!

She asked for the name of my primary school, my favourite colour, what I would like to be when (if) I grow up and the number of dogs my son’s girlfriends mother’s lover owns.

I obviously passed as I was then asked to choose a new memorable name.

Panic. I obviously had to choose one that I would remember this time as the security check had physically aged me. I needed a memorable memorable name, not one that I would forget again.

But which one? It had to be something that no one could guess easily so I couldn’t use any of the ones I’ve already mentioned. Best friend at primary school? First kiss? Favourite uncle, next door neighbour, Sunday school teacher, guy I hated at school, aunt, great aunt, great great aunt? Goldfish?

You have to be careful of identity theft these days.

“Hello, are you still there?”

“Oh, yes sorry I was thinking….”

I chose one. I spelt it. I heard her laugh.

“Is it the same as the previous memorable name that we have just reset?”

“Yes.”

Perfect, if I can’t remember it there is no chance anyone else will!


ps Talking of remembering things have you entered The Bitsnbobs Quiz of the Year. yet?