Monday 2 November 2009

Seahorses do what?

I was a bit worried this morning when I looked at the Guardian web page; there in small letters was the headline “Brown to tackle chaotic families”.

Mr Brown you may or may not know is the prime-minister-soon-to-be-replaced of Britain and since the French won’t allow me to vote in their presidential elections it is he who represents me.

And boy is my family chaotic.

Only this morning Krissie was threatening to throw away a laundry basket full of odd socks unless someone claimed them and the thought that Gordon would walk in and sort the whole thing out was kind of comforting.

Then I realised that the verb “tackle” has a more sinister meaning and maybe having the man in our house sorting out our laundry problems is not a good idea after all.
And chaotic is probably not what they really mean, otherwise most of the people I know would surely qualify.

In fact can a family, by its nature be anything other than chaotic?

Further investigation of the newspaper throws up some other interesting facts – the sex life of seahorses for example.
Apparently the female stretches and the male finds that irresistible and boof! He’s pregnant.

I feel slightly reassured to learn that I’m not the only species that is attracted by the stretching female form.

There is a lot of other intriguing stuff on the front page – like; “how to dress like a militant homosexual” (advice that might have come in useful the other day) and a “guide to guerrilla knitting” a sort of woolly graffiti.

But nothing, absolutely nothing about my own achievement over the last month (October) to try and eradicate two words from my writing style.

How a national newspaper can ignore such a social experiment at the expense of fornicating seahorses is beyond me.

So I am forced to report it.

The results of the experiment are in, here is the proof and then the analysis.
Well I’m really disappointed that 15 “time”s slipped in, despite my editing. Obviously my editing skills are less than I thought.

But I’m very excited that “one” faded into unimportance and that “two” is dominant.
On the whole I would say that two is better than one.

Especially with socks.

What else?

Well, in September I received (my own included) 100 comments, in October – the experimental period – only 51. Obviously a direct result of hampering my normal style.

So experiment is over.

September brought this blog the sensational improvisation challenge, October the word experiment , and I have a special idea for December.

Unfortunately, in November all you have to look forward to is a lot of this –

TIME passes slowly here in the mountains
I walk beside bridges, walk beside fountains
Watch the wild fishes, that float in the stream
TIME passes slowly when you’re lost in a dream……

TIME and Tide wait for no man…..

TIME is the simplest thing

Do you remember when we first met, I sure do it was some TIME in early September?

What’s the TIME Mr Wolf?


ONE ONE was a racehorse
ONE two was ONE two
ONE ONE won ONE race
ONE two won ONE too.

No comments: