Sunday 27 September 2009

The Final Frontier

I don’t know – recently my friend Dave has said some very nice things about me, mainly on his blog, and even described me as courageous on this one.

But, I don’t know that he’s right.

Sometimes it just feels like futile rage against the pointlessness of being, anger in face of eventual extinction, a huge flapping of arms at the inevitable end.

I met a guy yesterday, a year younger than me, and in talking about his life he said something like – in my job I’m not going to do anything different now.

He was talking about career I think, and it didn’t necessarily mean he saw his other aspects of his life in the same way. Maybe his work is not very important in his grand scheme of things, but it depressed me.

I have never thought like that, always imagining that something else was about to happen.

Perhaps this is foolish self-deception.

Another friend’s ex-wife died last week and it was a surprise. She was fit, healthy, had never smoked, didn’t drink and ate macrobiotic -ly.

Ok, maybe that’s WHY she died, not having enough fun obviously – but the fact that she is/was only 7 years older than me is shocking (to me obviously). I still think I have all the time in the world.

Perhaps this too is foolish self-deception.

Er, yes it is.

I know that but I don’t feel it.

Does that happen, that one day you just give up?

Give up flapping your arms insanely at death?


Vicki said...

This line resonated with me strongly: "I have never thought like that, always imagining that something else was about to happen."

Life can take some amazing turns. It sounds so trite, but if we can just get ourselves around the corner (which of course is not always easy) we never know what's in store.

popps said...

Vicki, i didn't mention it in the blog but the picture of the book cover is something i am dipping into at the moment - when waiting for the school bus, when a client is late , these sort of moments.
It's interesting, way too intellectual for me to fully understand, but fascinating.
It starts thus - "I don't believe in God, but i miss him."
Ok, he should have written her, but it's a great opening line (probably inspired by the line If God didn't exist we would have to invent him).