Thought of the Day 19

You look terrible, what’s wrong?

I went to the cinema.

Ah, good, because we are meant to be using these Sunday posts for film reviews and we have been a bit negligent recently.

Grunt.

Are you ok?

Grunt, grunt.

Ah, good film then?

Grunt.

Grunt? GRANT! Do you mean that Hugh Grant was in the movie?

Don’t be stupid, why would I go and see a movie with Hugh Grant?

You like Hugh Grant films.

I do?

You do, you watch Notting Hill twice a year!

It makes me cry.

Anyway, i didn’t mean you would go with him, I meant the movie had him in it.

Did it? I didn’t notice.

What?

What part did he play? The old geezer driving the van?

What are you talking about?

Never Let me Go.

No, i won't if you behave.

No, that was the name of the film.

Is Hugh Grant in that, I hadn’t realised?

You said he was.

Didn’t.

Did.

Didn’….. hang on…. Let me check….Ah no, another misunderstanding. So, what did you think about it?

Grunt, grunt, grunt.

I’m not sure our readers will accept that as a review worthy of its place in the Bitsnbobs cannon.

Do we have a cannon?

Not a cannon, a cannon.

That’s what I said, a cannon.

No you said cannon, meaning cannon, I meant cannon as in cannon.

Drop it.

Drop it?

Drop it!

The cannon?

Whatever.

Look tell me about the film.

Grunt.

Stop it with the grunts will you, what was it about?

Grunt.

Ok, I’ll ask you some questions, one grunt for yes, two for no. Ok?

Grunt.

Is it the film based on the book about a group of children that are created as clones and raised to be organ donors when they reach maturity, set in a fifties and sixties England?

Grunt.

It sounds heavy.

Grunt.

Like you might come out of the cinema feeling pretty depressed.

Grunt.

These aren’t actually questions I’m posing here you know, they are more like statements.

Grunt.

Any action in the film?

Grunt, grunt.

No car chases, helicopters or explosions?

Grunt, grunt.

Sex?

A bit.

Ah, you talk!

Grunt.

Sexy sex?

Grunt, grunt.

A bit of a drama then?

Grunt.

So, why did you choose this film?

The trailers looked good; synopsis sounded good; it was Friday night. Weekend, original version……

Grunt.

Why are you grunting?

I went too.

Ah, so you came out realising it was all a parable about life, as we know it?

Too short and doesn’t make any sense?

Grunt.

Grunt.