ME - The "I" in most of the blogs. English, male, married, dad, over 50 under 60, can't believe it, organised chaotic, enthusiastic pessimist, optimistic romantic, cries at Toy Story 3, certain episodes of Doctor Who and several times during The Time Traveler's Wife. Likes chocolate. Prone to exaggeration.
HIM - contrary to what it says above doesn't appear until much later. Possibly an alter ego or a figment of his own imagination. A dark side? Unmarried. A typical male.
Krissie - wife and person who puts up with me. Wouldn't trust HIM nearer than at the end of a very long barge pole.
Minnie - daughter, another person who puts up with me. Not a scientist.
Karl - a man with one leg. Likes chicken.
Herbert - my dad. Partly responsible i guess.
Dave - former business colleague known for shedding unnecessary organs (tonsils etc) and assertions.
Ivy - my 89 and a half year old aunt who lives alone, collects plates and chases the neighbour's cats away with a water pistol.
Michael - ah, Michael. I miss him.
Jhean - a Frenchman who burnt his house down. Knows a lot about mushrooms though.
Esther - my mum. Complicit with my dad. Helped to conceive all of this.
John - an enigma.
Vicki - a mad professor imprisoned on an alien world.
Janet - Leads a double life ; employed in an Olive Oil factory by day, a Hell's Angel by night
Anne - intrepid navigator, survivor of many a tempest, currently sailing a distant eastern sea.
Driscoll - a blue Mercedes van, home away from home.
Nigel - a man who never kills mosquitos because he is a scottish budhist. He is happy to hit my son though and is occasionally hired to do so.
Loui - my son. He should have been introduced earlier but he never gets up before two in the afternoon. At college, studying how to annoy his dad. I love him but often wonder which planet he comes from.
Lucy - Loui's girlfriend. Loui and Lucy, Krissie and Chris - what is wrong with this familly?
Greg - Lucy's mum's boyfriend, it's a long story.
Guy - Lucy's dad, he'll tell you it.
Dennis - pizza salesman, always flirting with Krissie.
|A big monkey|
Tim - a skinny eccentric eco-warrior who believes the world is flat.
Caroline - his former wife who believes it is round!
Simon - a playwright who also believes the world to be flat.
Saff - his former partner, who believes it to be round.
There seems to be a pattern developing here.
My brother-in-law - a composite, in fact, of three.
My sister-in-law - an evil witch. Don't let her anywhere near your rose bush.
Mercutio - a cat, known as Mack. (neither a Montague nor a Capulet)
Mary - An Italian temptress, often blamed by those who should know better.
La La, Tiggen, Cinders, Dilly - four more.
A teenager - an amalgam.
Charlette-Rose - almost perfect in every way, my niece.
NAMES MAY HAVE BEEN CHANGED TO PROTECT THE INNOCENT.
ANY SIMILARITIES TO ACTUAL PEOPLE IS POSSIBLY INTENTIONAL.