The Dying Embers?

This might get mushy so if you want to turn away now check this post out instead.

Because..

I’m outside staring into the embers of the fire listening to crickets; distant across-the-forest party voices, a dog barking and my new Train CD.

And I’m wondering - What should one do with a lifetime?

It seems SO long when you are 17, so much shorter when you are 50 and I don’t know what I will feel in ten years time but I don’t think it’s going to be good news.

I’m none of these anymore or yet but I’m asking the question – what should one do with a lifetime?

Thinking this as I sit by the fire outside waiting for the stars to rise.

Thinking this as I remember other fires I have sat by.

Is sitting by fires with the people you love enough?

Because it’s certainly up there in my top ten.

Actually my loved people have all just got up and left me – my son and his girlfriend have drifted off to his bedroom, fair enough I guess, and my wife and daughter have gone inside to watch a film which they have accurately predicted I will hate enough to groan and grunt through the first 30 minutes before swearing loudly and throwing missiles at the screen.

So I’m alone, with the fire and the cats.

And I’ve started noticing that as your children get older you see less and less of them leaving you with a void and that as your cats get older you see more and more of them until you realise that their time is coming to an end and that their void will also be painful.

And you start thinking – what should one do with a lifetime.

And is one going to be enough anyway.

And I’m also thinking of travel, all the places I’ve been and all the ones I haven’t but would like to. And how some of them were so long ago that I would like to go visit them again.

And is that enough?

And is it a saying goodbye?

Or do you have to say goodbye before you can get to say hello again?

Help.