Sunday, 31 January 2010

I've Whittled.


I REALLY hope Avatar doesn’t win all the Oscars.

PLEASE don’t let it win all the Oscars.

It’s not that I don’t like the film – I haven’t even seen it (yet), so what do I know? – but the whole thing is so, so…, so, er … Titanic.

Big. Big. Colourful. And BIG.

Everything about it is big, big, big.

Big money, big hype, big poster, big money.

I want a pearl to win the Oscars, something small, something white, something unexpected.

It can have a big poster though.

So …. Fanfare …. As an alternative to The Motion Picture Academy Gloss, brought to you with very little sponsorship, direct from my Saturday Morning lie-in, late night stay-up and desperate to finish Sunday afternoon– here are the nominations for The Bitsnbobs Oscars 2010.

Yes TWO days earlier than announced in the original press release – because I have a special something-different idea for the ENTIRETY of February’s Bitsnbobs Posts.

So, without further procrastination, here are the nominations.

The Nominations in the category –The Humphrey Bogart Lifetime Achievement Award.

1. Advent Calendar Day 9. 2. A Letter from San Francisco B. 3. Love’s Labours Lost.

The Black Nomination for - Feline Appreciation.

1. Confession.
2. Born Free.
3. Surprised (again) by Black.

A Very Embryonic Nomination for – Posting that Could Inspire an Ad on a Double Decker Bus.

1. A Letter from San Francisco Z.
2. At the Bus Stop.
3. The God of Hellfire.

The Nominations for, the Cats Agree – Best Pun.

1. Leaf me Alone.
2. The ninth comment in Total.
3. Joke wall, Joke Doors.

In the Pantry, dur I mean CATEGORY – Most Original Use of a Vegetable.

1. Twist and Shout.
2. Respounchous.
3. Oooooohhhh Spooky.

The Einstein Award for – Inspiration in the scientific Field.

1. Brrrrr.
2. Yes we Can!
3. Heads.

The “I wouldn’t be seen dead wearing that” award for – New fashion accessory.

1. A Letter From San Francisco A.
2. To Each Its Own.
3. The Taming of the Shrew.

The “Please don’t Let Kindle Win” award for – the Post that Might Inspire a Novel.

1. Lists.
2. John 1
3. Sleep Tight.

The “Please Let it Be Soft” Oscar for – Conceiving Inspiration (pregnancy).

1. Crazy Love.
2. Driscoll 2.
3. Alki Beach.

The Vicki Visionary award for – Inspiring a New Outlook on Life.

1. 999.
2. Tiger in Hamburg.
3. Neil Gaiman Reading Instructions.

The Neil la Bute award for – Best Original Blog Post Title

1. The Night Stallions.
2. Diminuitive Potholers.
3. Ere we go, ere we go!

The Déjà vu award – for Powerful memories.

1.The Breach of Berlin’s Wall.
2. Inglourious Basterds and my Mum.
3. Hello?

In the Category – Hopelessly Sentimental.

1. About 89.
2. Esther 2.
3. Lost List.

The Déjà vu award – for Powerful memories.

1.The Breach of Berlin’s Wall.
2. Inglourious Basterds and my Mum.
3. Hello?

And finally, The Sheesh, Who Programmed that Machine award – for all other random things.

1. Brmmmm.
2. The Final frontier.
3. How many?

Ok, I think that’s either too much or ENOUGH ALREADY!

I have tried to use all the magnificent suggestions from other academy members across the globe, have used all the nominations hitherto received and padded them out with my own where needed – heavily favouring the less well visited sections of the blog.

Some of you may be scandalised by the selections – I hope not.

Now, for this to be realistic exercise everybody in the Academy (of readers) – that’s you – sits down and looks at all the nominations and then votes, remember it’s not about the biggest poster!

Which could take AGES.

It took me about four hours to get this far! (and i'm checking for typos in all the links as you read)

Just click on anything in read to see the relevant page.

I will post a voting page on March 1st in anticipation of the ceremony on March 7th. (but if you really can't wait you can vote in the comments).

So you have a month to get ready (Saff).

Because tomorrow, February, is about something else.

Have fun.

Saturday, 30 January 2010

Surprised, again, by black.


So........

I sit down to watch a DVD - a Terry Gillam film, The Brothers Grim. It’s Friday Night, the fire is lit, I have a glass of red wine and apart from the fact that I’m on my own life is good.

A long way into the film, which I’m enjoying, a sort of comic goth fantasy, the 400 year old witch crumbles to life and decides to blow out the forest fire – started by the authorities to destroy the villager’s superstitions about the wood where she lives a dying death.

The screen goes black.

Black black.

Is it on purpose?

An unfinished masterpiece?

I sip a bit more of the wine, an organic Merlot, and wait.

How do you know?

I press fast forward, rewind, pause, play, menu, titles, pause and play again but everything remains resolutely black.

Almost thirty years ago to the winter day I was travelling through Southern Mexico.

In a small market, I’m strolling and eating hot steamed tamales when I see a vendor selling fruit I have never encountered before.

It's November the first, day of the dead.

I buy some, wander off to picnic by the lake; I cut it open and the inside is black. I open another.

The same.

Is it meant to be like that?

How do you know?