Early to bed.

a field near here/august

Have you read this? (no link provided)

Actually, I have – but I should point out that it IS a newspaper that I wouldn’t normally go near with a barge pole AND I found it in the rubbish bin anyway; I picked it up for making fires.

You were crumpling it up and it stopped you in your tracks didn’t it?

It did – listen to this –‘critics warned that allowing people to self-identify as a member of the opposite sex, while maintaining the anatomy of their birth gender, would unleash a firestorm of legal cases over access to women-only hospital wards, prisons, lavatories, changing rooms and competitive sports.’

In that order?

In that order.

Toilets before competitive sports?

Apparently. It goes on – ‘in future people are expected to be required only to make a statutory declaration that they intend to live in the acquired gender until death'.

Cool.

Cool?

I fancy having the ability to statutorily declare.

Would you declare yourself to be a woman?

I AM a woman.

I thought you were a man?

What made you think that?

I don’t know. Being as you don’t exist and therefore could be anything you like if you did, I thought that if you had a choice you would choose Elephant, I know you like elephants.

If I don’t exist I DO have a choice - I’d be black! Or, Red Indian.

I don’t think those are genders.

Is elephant?

Maybe not.

But it’s beside the point, or maybe you – and they – are missing the point! The right to statutory declaration is brilliant, but it doesn’t go far enough; maybe I could make a statutory declaration that I intend to live as a European from now on, until death. That way I can forget this Brexit stuff.

That’s a good idea!

Is either stronger, more determining - gender or nationality - because if you can do it with one…..?

I’m tempted to just to see if I can mess around the powers to be; now that I have chosen to be a black red-Indian European elephant, could I ask for the missing points on my licence to be given back because I was a man when I committed whatever stupidity it was I did in the first place?

I think ‘they’ could ask you to re-sit the driving lessons that gave you the licence in the first place if that is your argument.

There must be an advantage I’m missing.

I think women can retire earlier than men; there might be an advantage there?

I could get my pension now!

How come?

I am making a statutory declaration that I intend to live older from now until my death.

If you chose a statutory declaration to live at the age of 5 until your death you’d have loads more fun.

Early bedtimes though.