All The Mue's Mue.

a field near here/a week ago

I have been trying to get my head around the Mue.

I’m tempted to say ‘let your legs do the work and the rest will follow’, but I’ll settle for ‘you’re not the only one.’

Really? Who else is trying to get their head around the Mue?

Me.

Oh.

And Mary.

Mary? I thought she was a figment of your imagination.

She may be, but she exists.

Like the Mue?

Sort of.

So, anyway, I’ve made some notes, and a map.

You have a map of Mary?

No! Concentrate!

You mentioned her first.

No I didn’t look, it’s there in black and white, and bold AND italics.

She’s Italician you know that don’t you?

That was a really bad joke.

I try.

So, this is what we know so far.

We’re back to the Mue?

Yes we are.  There is, apparently, a reception a foyer and a front desk.

That’s correct.

Are they one and the same?

Certainly not!

Are they in the same place?

Not at all! The foyer is directly under the side corridor and ever so slightly to the south east.

The side corridor is near, very, near to The latest Acquisitions Chamber, is that so?

That’s correct, access can be gained from the Foyer either by boat or ladder.

So, the foyer is next to the river?

It’s ‘near’ the river; you have to pass under the arch down the lane at the side.

There’s a lane now?

And an arch – the lane is next to the table.

Which is on the front step?

Yes, the front step leads to the entrance door, which opens directly into the Foyer. It’s where we are now.

We are?

Of course, though technically this is maybe the front door. There’s the table outside, sometimes we put a coffee pot there to let you know that there is a café somewhere inside.

The café seems to be near the Latest Acquistions Chamber.

You’re good! It’s across the side corridor.

So, more or less above the Foyer?

Less.

Less?

More.

Which?

In between.

In between what, the side corridor and ?

No, between the more or the less. Ish.

In the café I can find the illustrated tome of founding principles?

And chocolate cake! It’s gluten free and very, very addictive. I ate three pieces the last time I served in the café.

You served?

I made bread! There’s a kitchen you know.

A kitchen?

Through the arch at the back of the café, you have to stoop a bit. There’s a timetable on the wall there if you want to add your name as a helper-outer, but you have to sit on the floor to read it.

So where’s the reception?

It moves. If the coffee pot is on the table outside the front door the reception is likely to be there, on the step. It depends if the woman who does the tantric massage is at home.

Does she work for The Mue?

No; she owns the building next door, she’s a grump. She hates it when the reception is on the step because we dissuade her tantric clients.

So The Mue has a building?

What’s the point of corridors if you don’t have a building?

Corridors? With an S – there’s more than one?

Ha! There’s the side corridor but there’s also THE corridor.

How do I get there?

It’s a bit of a mystery, it keeps surprising me; usually after I’ve been to the toilet.

Is that in the courtyard?

No that’s the ex-toilet, which could be a fountain.

And where is the courtyard.

You have to go through the foyer to get to the courtyard, sometimes the reception is in the courtyard.

I suspect you have to go through the Foyer to get anywhere.

Unless you take the boat.

Of course.

But watch out for the donkeys, you don’t want to bump into the donkeys, even though they have lovely bells.

The donkeys?

Yep, nothing to do with The Mue, but they come up past the front door most mornings and down past the front door most evenings, so if you are trying to get through the arch and down the lane to get to the boat it can be awkward. They sometimes bite.

What about the Front Desk?

What about it?

Where is it?

You’ll have to ask Max, he usually takes it with him.

Max, the guy who will lift you up so you can see what is exhibited in Our Blesséd Lady’s Alcove? Why don’t you have a step-ladder?

He’s ex-circus; we have a debt to the circus.

Does he work full time?

You’ll have to ask him.

Where is he?

He’ll be by the Alcove; we’re changing the Alcove exhibit today.

If I’m right, the Alcove – Our Blesséd Lady’s Alcove – is on the side corridor.

We always say ‘in the corridor’ here at The Mue, but yes, just along from the Display Box.

That’s right, I forgot you had a display box in the corridor.

Then you haven’t been paying attention.

I said ‘in’, so I must be. Who else works in The Mue?

We always say ‘at The Mue’ here at The Mue.

Sorry.

It’s ok, you’re learning. Bob is co-currator, he has a badge.

He asked for a hat.

Bob! Bob in a hat!

We can’t have that.

What a fact, at that.

If Bob had a hat.

There’s Aunt Taffy, but she’s busy at the moment.

Doing what?

Cleaning The Annexe.

Is The Annexe at the Mue – I said ‘At’.

I noticed! You’re making progress, a little – because if it’s an Annexe…..

Oh yes. It’s at someplace else.

We just say ‘someplace else’ no need for an at. It’s yellow.

The at?

The Annexe, try to keep up.

At the Mue, there are four floors yes? One is fabled.

You‘ve forgotten the Fifth! Stand on a chair, open the trap door; remember?

Oh yes, that’s The Special Exhibits room. What’s there? 

I don’t know, ive never been there we don’t have a chair on the fifth floor yet.

Can’t you use the ladder?

It’s fixed to the vice in the Foyer.

The vice?

It’s on wheels; we can move it outside for temporary exhibit space but not up the stairs.

There are a lot of stairs I hear.

Madness! I can’t make head or tail of them, hell for wheelchairs.

That’s a problem.

We have Max.

True.

And you HAVE to visit the First Landing.

1969?

No you’re getting missed up with the November 28^th Room – it’s a distant corner, visitors rarely get that far.

Why?

The chocolate cake!

We haven’t mentioned the non-existent sixth.

We won’t. I think I’ve covered everything; it should be crystal clear.

What if I want to donate?

It HAS to be un-expected and I can read your thoughts.

True, but what if someone else wants to donate?

They can leave it anywhere.

Will you find it?

Hmm, possibly. If they want to be absolutely certain and not occasionally certain, they should leave it in/on the photocopier.

Where is it?

In The Annexe.

It’s yellow.

Not the photocopier, but The Annexe, yes.

Can I see the new exhibit In/on The Alcove?

In. You’ll have to ask Max, oh… here he is. Ready?

Ready.