Everything here in Bitsnbobs land is getting so exciting I am unable to sleep, and if I do the dreams are crashing against each other in an explosion of nonsense.
It’s not just the Bitsnbobs Oscars – hitherto known as The Pearls – that is causing this but also the onward rush of sudden springness that is engulfing us.
Yesterday evening for example I was bringing in the first line dried washing of the year when the woods behind were amplified with a weird cackling and looking up I was staggered to see about a thousand Canadian geese flying in formation.
All heading north eastwards.
That’s a lot of duck.
Watch out Germany –(I think that is over there).
And The Pearls are hotting up too.
The academy is divided, some votes are contentious and there has even been an anti-cat sentiment expressed (interestingly by an actor who once played the part of a dog).
Of course, sometimes too much excitement can be dangerous.
Ever since he received TWO nominations in the BitsnBobs Oscars - the only person, post or feline to do so - my black cat has become impossible to live with.
Gone is the calm, sultry purr-machine, come is the skitty-skatty wild-eyed paranoid.
The stress is clearly getting to him and the hair on the inside of his back legs has started to disappear - making him look, from the back, like a clumsily plucked chicken.
Although this is not the first time (hair loss) the possibility that he might have to walk down the red carpet in front of the world’s press to receive his awards is clearly a worry.
At times like this - bald back leg cat problems -we use a red oily potion; made from patiently seeping, in virgin olive oil, hand-picked white blossoms from certain hidden corners of the forest and allowing several weeks of direct sunlight to mysteriously colour it.
The local Witch instructed my wife in the art.
Unfortunately, how to massage the results into a non-compliant-Prima Dona’s inside thigh was NOT part of the instructions.
And remains something you have to make up as you go along.
In a recent desperate attempt I grabbed his leg whilst he was feeding – I had to grab as he had been deliberately avoiding me after the last smothering – and tried to apply some of the magic grease as HE tried to exit through the cat flap.
So I had to go and buy a new cat flap.
Plastic, it turns out, just isn’t that strong.
The new one is of course bigger than the previous so I had to cut the hole in the front door bigger to accommodate.
Which is when the blade on the jig-saw snapped and I had to buy a new one of those too.
And that’s when I was stopped by the police for having inadequate tyre thread.
The new cat flap has the words “Good Girl” engraved in the centre of the flappy bit (technical term, I believe) and since none of them can read, and two are male, they are all standing outside wondering what to do.
Which is fine as far as I am concerned – even if you are nominated in the Pearls you can’t go round smashing the house.
Whilst they are out there get yourself along to check out the nominations by here by clicking this link.
And then vote.
The first part by clicking on
Click here to take survey
The second part by clicking on
Click here to take survey
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