Tuesday, 20 August 2019



‘Why didn’t we go to Micky’s funeral?’ My daughter is in the back seat of the car.

I am in the front seat, driving, I am meant to be in charge and know these things.

‘I don’t know ‘I reply.

And I don’t.

With the passage of time it seems to have been something that should have been but was not: could it simply have been the cost, the distance? I hope not, today that seems careless.

I think she is thinking that we should have, that she would have wanted to be there, but I don’t ask.

That’s careless too.

I don’t deal with the graveside very well, my own goodbyes are personal and with Micky it was on the phone while he was still alive, though I only know that now.

The only person I would have known at the funeral would have been Micky and there would have been many people there.

I don’t think I was needed.

That too is careless.

We should have been there.

NOT formerly published in The Archives.

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