yes!!! |
Milestones.
You gotta pass them; sometimes you pass
them again.
Going the other way.
Returning?
Going home?
Moving along.
Forty years have slipped past.
I read somewhere that if you write a list
of everything that has happened you will never say ‘Time Flies’.
I won’t say it this time even if I don’t
(write that list) because it no longer feels like yesterday.
Yesterday does.
Is that living in the moment?
THIS moment is on a highway, heading south.
It’s 5.30; the day is falling. The moon – all new – is out, this month it will
be the closest to the earth for a long time to come. I should still be here,
but no one ever knows for sure.
But I hope it won’t be on this highway.
Though heading south will be ok.
Or west.
Maps… been thinking about them too.
I picked up one of these a couple of days ago; in fact if anyone wanted to get me one for Christmas or my birthday I
wouldn’t stop them.
I could try to put these thoughts in one.
Could be interesting.
Could be a challenge.
Would it be a circle?
Or a wavy line?
1976 would have to be there, somewhere…
near the bottom I guess and in a very feint print, probably pencil, as the
memory is equally vague.
I remember outside only, photos and my
parents.
I remember NOTHING of inside.
Nothing.
Surely there was a hall – I could represent
that with an empty box; so on the map I guess there is an empty box at the
bottom.
I could put an empty box with the numbers
1976… or maybe the box is the limits of the whole map and … hang on…
What does this map show?
Maybe just yesterday.
Even though now it must be the day before
yesterday.
How would I show that?
God knows – but the ironing board would
have to be on the map because usually I do my best to avoid them.
So the cupboard where the ironing board was
before I ironed my shirt could be there too.
And maybe Brick Lane - where I bought the
shirt a few years prior.
And you – who bought me the shirt; you
would be in a lot of these maps.
I could add the tube line we took, in which
case the common we walked past where I ran in the morning also.
There is a Lido on the common and two days
ago – hereafter called ‘this morning’ – there was frost too.
People were swimming in the Lido.
I was running and I needed gloves, so
they…..
We were late, we thought we were late at
least, so there would be a clock somewhere on the map, and people with arrows
arriving from other sides – Tayra from the North East, a big arrow – collared
orange like her hair.
Maxime from the South East – there would be
a symbol of a plane for her, also probably orange.
Since her hair is as well.
Beth would be there, her arrow would be
black and coming from the North West – even if she lives in Yorkshire, she
sounds like she’s from Lancashire to me.
And Lancaster, or Manchester, has to be on
this map and 1976 would be there – with the empty box and the no-memory with my
parents standing outside smiling.
They were proud so I would need a proud
colour.
Golden Yellow.
Autumn Golden Yellow.
Harvest Yellow.
That’s the one.
We reap what we sow.
I’m a parent this time, outside and inside.
Included.
Did I do my best?
Did I let you down?
You did - better than!
And you didn’t.
In that order.
I cried.
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