Friday 9 September 2011

Noises (donkey) OFF

I know what you’re thinking – what’s all this talk about donkeys (yesterday) in a month where Bitsnbobs is meant to be AT LEAST hinting about things that were going on “off-stage” in August? (see Mary)

Oops, silly me.

You see – I forgot some important information in yesterday’s post; and maybe in this one too.

If you give your son a list of important things to remember before you set off on holiday and he stays at home the conversation has two aspects.

WHAT YOU SAY – Don’t forget we are going to be away for three weeks and you need to water all the plants, ALL the plants every two days, feed the cats every day, don’t put kitchen roll paper down the toilet, wash up, empty the bins, send these letters on Monday, buy stamps for these letters on Monday, water the plants, feed the cats, remember to phone the school about the grant, don’t forget to phone the school about the grant and if you forget to phone the school about the grant I’ll…, I don’t know what I’ll do but it won’t be legal, and feed the cats and sign the letters before you post them, and feed the cats, and oh yes, Jean Michel is coming with his Donkey and camping in the field.

WHAT HE HEARS -.....away for three weeks……..Monday….. camping.

It was dark, very late in the evening sometime mid August and I guess about 3am in the morning.

My son returns from a long, long evening of whatever young folk do all night and as he swings his car into the parking space his headlight (one is sure to be broken) catch the side of a van he has never seen before.

He panics.

His mind does whatever it is when his mind is faced with dilemma.

He grabs a fallen branch and stumbles forward into the gloom.

It’s pitch dark where we live, no solar powered lights mark your way.

And it’s quiet.

Except for the screech of the owl.

His hand tightens on the branch.

Suddenly he is face to face with a donkey!

Nothing has prepared him for such a moment.

He flicks open his mobile phone, a soft glare lights the meadow and there he sees a tent.

He creeps over and in the gruffest voice he can manage he shouts – Qui est la?

He is answered by the sound of Velcro and zips – and a hearty “Bonjour Loui”.

A stark naked Jean Michel – his Doctor – advances and plants two kisses on his cheeks.

NOTHING has prepared him for such a moment.


Mary said...

Hilarious Off-Stage Moment.

Poor Loui -- I can't stop smiling.


Anne Hodgson said...

Wonderful! But Chris, is it legal? ;) Oh, the bliss of living far away from it all. I can't tell you how much I loathe living in Prussia. I'm being swallowed by a boa constrictor. You have no idea. Give me naked dotors, anyday, and donkeys anyway (see other comment, no questions asked.
So, what about the grant, then? And did the cats survive?