Sliding through.

I’m not sure where to start this nor how to string everything together – normally I like to run as I find the bouncing of the brain during a good jog organises most disorganisation.

But today I’m lying in bed, enjoying a day where no one is (yet) asking me to do anything else except me.

I need a pee, which is a real hindrance to this moment of cerebral solitude – certainly because bladder pressure effects the brain but mostly because once I leave this sanctum a thousand voices will clamour for my attention.

But I need to write this down.

But where to start - birthdays?

Toby?

Or Tits?

Toby made some tits for my wife, and although she had some of her own already she needed some that were different.

Maybe this is something that happens to every woman, I’m not sure, but I know in my own case I have often imagined more hair, different coloured eyes, a little more of this or less of that so I didn’t find her quest unusual.

If everything goes to plan the world will get a chance one day to see them on Youtube so I won’t spoil the fun here, suffice to say they had their first public outing on stage just the other day - in front of 400 lesbians and a male friend, Poly, who had dressed as a female for the occasion so that he could film what happened.

This film will not be the one that maybe one day will be available on Youtube, this is for personal tweeking of tits work only.

You can’t rush a good thing.

In fact sometimes, as we will see shortly, we need to slow down a little.

You can read a bit more about Toby by clicking here, and if you do you will begin to understand that Toby, Tits and myself complete a triangle at the centre of which is not only my wife - but also Mike.

And it was Mike’s birthday the other day and I missed it.

Which saddens me, because if celebrating a special friend’s birthday – even when far away – is not an opportunity that we try to make central to our short lives then what is the point of most of the other stuff we do?

Coincidently it would also have been my dad’s birthday too on the same day, and if you want you can learn a bit more about him by clicking here.

And you can learn a bit more about Mike by clicking here.

Mike sent me an e-mail last night which began: “Good to hear Toby's tits are big on the continent.”

I think you would have to agree that this is a great way to open an email, and I have always considered Mike to be a comic genius – an opinion I am not alone in sharing.

He closed his e-mail thus – “Which reminds me, if I had died yesterday it would have been horribly ironic as it was my birthday...”

Nobody should die on their birthday.

Happy rebirth Mike.

This is the rest of his e-mail which I post with his permission.

“Just got back from 5 days Tango in Totnes. Second time I've been to the Tango Mango there and once again I was in awe of the Dutch teachers. The Dutch have really got a way with Tango that I like. I was curious as to the Tango connection in Holland and a friend of a friend who lives in Amsterdam tells me that the crown prince Willem married an Argentinian and started a Tango frenzy there about ten years ago.

On the way back home yesterday, on the M25, we were hit by an articulated lorry (twice) which sent us spinning through the rain across three lanes of traffic until we found ourselves sliding backwards face on to the oncoming traffic. Somehow Sarah had the instinct to put the clutch in and we continued backwards apace, Sarah steering us towards the hard shoulder where she brought us to a halt inches from crashing into the barrier. I can't help thinking that 5 days of Tangoing backwards around the dancehall was excellent preparation for this tricky manoeuvre.”