Bullshit

picture by Krissie

I got home yesterday after a night in the city and two days away to find a huge dollop, it’s the best word, of cow shit on the floor.

In the two acre meadow at the side of the house?
No.

In the untamed grass that constitutes the garden?
No.

In the middle of the path to the front door?
Yes.

Do we own a cow? We do now it seems, she was sleeping in the meadow this morning.

Strangely though there were also horse hoof prints trampled into the path and as I set off for my evening bike ride I found myself following them up the hill.

But there was something amiss.

I’m not an expert on horses, although I have been bitten by one, and I don’t know much about animal tracks – but something seemed wrong here.

They looked like this.

Whereas I imagine they should look like this.



Or this.




I'm not an expert at drawing either.

But it got me thinking as I was pedaling.

And I found myself thinking about Ally and Judi, two colleagues in the city.

Not because they look like horses – very far from it – but because I had disturbed an intense conversation they were having the other day, (a conversation probably borne out of desperation), and with a heavy sigh they asked –“Chris. What do men want?”

At the time I had been too distracted to be of any help, but now on my bike following a one legged hopping horse I was able to give their question my undivided attention.

I should be able to help I thought, I am the only male in an all female team so I should contribute something and they had offered me a golden opportunity which I had let slip.

But what?

Doesn’t it depend? Doesn’t it vary?

I think it probably depends on the stage of the man’s life as well as the man, and I think it might even vary in a single day.

When I suggested that to Judi today she confirmed that it can vary in a single moment – so maybe she doesn’t really need my help.

The original question suggested generalisations were being made, and I’m not sure I see the world that way though I understand that others do.

So, I thought, could I say what I want – and would they be interested anyway?

What do I want?

Right now, it’s lunchtime, some chocolate. A small fisherman’s hut by the sea with no obligation to fish would also be nice.

But I don’t think they meant that.

Judi ventured today that it seems easier to fid out what they don’t want.

Ah – I’m on clearer ground there.

“They don’t want cow pooh on their front path”.

She looked at me as if I was a one legged hopping horse.