Woken with Weetabix.

I don’t use my mobile phone a lot – I’m over 50, I prefer talking to the people sitting next to me and my thumbs are too big.

But I keep it turned on.

The other day I received the following SMS – ‘hi peter thanks for looking after the house. Act thriving and lots of tomatoes. See you when you get back.’

Weird.

My name’s not Peter, I’m back (I never left) and have no idea what kind of vegetable/fruit "acts" are.

I sent a reply saying much the same, adding that I was in France in case that helped and heard – nothing.

Yesterday evening, falling asleep on the sofa, the phone beeped and I read the following message –‘Hectic weekend studying how to maintain inner peace. My head’s in a whirl. I’ll poll the management tmrw.’

??

I thought it might be tomato person again, I didn’t recognise the number on either occasion and like the mystery vegetable act I don’t know anything or anyone in the management sectors.

Ok, I do have a manager at work, but she’s a womanager and so soft and good I think of her as a friend and colleague.

I Sms-ed back saying that I didn’t think I knew them, and that it was probably a wrong thumb click. I think that is good phone etiquette, there was maybe someone worriedly waiting to hear from them.

This time I got a reply.

It said – ‘you used to throw knives at me in the street. I assumed you knew me.’

Clearly untrue and the fantasy of a deranged mind and troubled upbringing.

I made a mental of the number and resolved to finally read the operating manual about blocking.

Anyway, it was HE who threw knives – I just caught them.

This morning after another session of 'get them ready for school’, and totally unable to face the washing up, I shamelessly decided to go back to bed for an early siesta.

When I was a kid we had ONE phone in the house for a family of four.

Now, when I am an adult I have a family of four, one house, and EIGHT phones.

Taking into account normal inflation I still think this is excessive.

Surely a worthwhile gesture to save the planet after we have changed all the light bulbs would be to go back to those simpler times and limit ourselves to one?

I should have done this earlier because I wouldn’t have been woken from wonderful dreams by beeps from the bedside, and the following message.

“Do they have Weetabix Minis in France. We have to be told.”

Knife man again.