Improv Challenge Day Six

Hi, welcome if you can be here, to what should be an interesting day.

It's day six in an unfolding improvised experiment that began with, and is explained in, this post. (add link later)

Today the challenge is to open the post, go live, and work with whatever gets set/sent or suggested.

My plan was to get up, get Minnie off to school, put on my favourite te-shirt and sit down a set the scene in the opening of the post at eight am central European time.

It's a fresh, foggy morning in the South of France, the bells of the sheep (add link later) in the meadow the only sound and i'm outside at the table on the terrace.

But of course, it's improvised and stuff already has changed things and so i'm 15minutes late.

First i had to answer OUTRAGEOUS comments left by Dave in Improv Challenge Day Four. (add link later)

Then i noticed that Vicki, asleep in America right this moment has left something in the comments of Improv Challenge Day Five that is clearly intended to be the starting point. (add link later)

So i'll post this, go and read what Vicki has set me, give anyone a chance to intervene immediately, put the coffee pot on and come back................

..................................

Good morning Chris, and happy day 6!(Sorry I couldn't check in yesterday. I'm posting this at about 11pm my time and, I believe, 5 am yours.)
Before I go to bed, I thought I'd take the liberty of suggesting some constraints for your opening:
Sales are down and folks are gathered in the company meeting room to solve the problem. They are handing an object around from person to person
Each person has a secret they are going to confess.
The opening line is: "Don't touch the long pointy bit"

.......................

Here goes........

"DON"T touch the pointy bit!!!"
Jack looked up , through the expresso steam rising from his coffee and across the table at Vanessa.
It was 8.45 a.m. he felt like shit and now Vanessa was doing her annoying 'Merican thing.
Why couldn't she say something like - if you don't mind, i was wondering if you could avoid touching the pointy bit?
Always so bloody direct, it drove him crazy.
And it would help if she wasn't so dammed sexy.
It was bad enough having to be at a meeting so early in the morning without having to deal with "is it alright to fancy the boss when she's being so professional' issues.
He dragged his eyes away from the point on her neck where her short auburn hair occasionally parted to reveal her silver ear ring and looked at the object sliding across the table.

Joe's eyes shifted uneasily at the sight of the object sliding towards him. He began to get a bit hot under the collar. He hadn't liked being summoned to this board meeting at such short notice and was feeling very uncomfortable. He avoided looking directly at the cold and heartless Vanessa. He pondered on how things could have turned out differently if he hadn't....

Vanessa stood up and began to talk.

"Listen up. AND , Joe, WAKE UP! Now, there are only two of these in the world, and this company owns both of them. One of them has gone missing and i want to know where it is. I demand answers now! No, one and i mean NO ONE " - she looked directly at Jenny as she said this, "leaves here until this thing is settled."
God she's beautiful thought Jack.
"I really don't know what it is, her hair, or her eyes or her smell..."
"What ?"
Everyone was looking at him now, had he spoken aloud?
"er, er,...."
The object, whatever it was, seemed to be taking for ever to slide across the table. It was as if time had decided to take a break, time timing out so to speak. He looked up at the clock.
Hmm, 10.30 already, i wonder if there's any biscuits around here, he thought.
"er..... can i have a look at that?" he asked, reaching across the table.


Wait!! Jenny screamed dramatically. Don't touch it. It could be dangerous!
Everyone looked up in startled amazement. What was going on?
Jenny's face had turned ashen. Joe sat up and looked at her with renewed interest. She's a dark horse, he thought to himself.

Well..... a dark ashen horse on second thoughts.
With only two legs.
"What time's lunch?" he asked, trying to diffuse the tension that was almost suffocating, "I'm starving' he added.
"Yeah," Jack agreed pulling his eyes away from Vanessa, "we've been sitting here for almost......well it's almost mid day and we haven't even had any biscuits!"
'Don't you ever think about anything other than your stomach?" Vanessa looked at him, her eyes blazing.
You, he thought. Your hair, your mouth, your cheeks. that funny little line on your shoulder.
And your eyes. What colour are they? Blue? Grey? Ash blue?
No, the colour of the early dawn on the first day of creation.....
"Jack? Are you all right?' It was Jenny.
"Sorry?" He looked around They were all staring at him again.
"Look', he started to say, but then realised they were all looking at the strange object that he was now holding in his hands.
He hadn't remembered picking it up.
"Put it down'. Vanessa spoke very calmly, still no polite form though, always the imperative with her."Please put it down."
Please!? She said please. maybe she does like me, thought Jack as he almost dropped the thing.
'Lunch?" joe tried again.


Suddenly, the door crept open and a beautiful cat (a tabby) walked in and jumped up onto the table and slowly but surely padded its way softly towards Vanessa, her owner.
Get out,Victoria, NOW!! Vanessa cried out impatiently, her cool exterior shattered momentarily by this unwanted intruder.
Joe perked up. This was certainly turning out to be worth getting out of bed for......

"Oh for God's sake," - it was Jenny's turn to shout,"if you're not going to eat it give to Joe and shut him u-u-u-u-u-up!"
Jack looked at the object for the first time, as it was the first time he had looked at any object that wasn't either ON Venessa OR Venessa.
"It's a ....bannana?" he asked, surprised.
"U-u-u-u-up-ppp CHOO!" Jenny sneezed.
"Sorry,excuse me - i'm allergic to cat hair."


It was a huge sneeze - HUGE.
So huge that the room was stunned into silence.
jack looked around, waited, hung out the washing, filled in a form for a new passport, went to look if the Walnuts were ready and cycled up to the post office to post his passport application.

"Well,if no one objects, and it seems that you don't because no one has said ANYTHING for almost two hours, i think i'll eat it myself."
"I wouldn't do that if i was you," whispered Joe looking very, very hot under his collar.

"Got something you wanna tell us then Joe?" growled Vanessa.
Joe shifted uncomfortably in his seat

"Yeah, like i said i wouldn't eat that if i was you. I REALLY wouldn't eat it if i was/were you'", he was worried that Vanessa might snap his head of for the grammatical inaccuracy.
"er, why?', inquired Jack, "I'm really hungry, all i've had this morning is a bagel."
"Look mate." Joe turned to address him........."oh, what the hell, I CONFESS, i ate the other one!"
Vanessa didn't move but her eyes blazed like two volcanoes about to erupt.
"You fool." She growled again.
"Can i leave now?" Joe whimpered .
"What do you mean?" she barked back.
"Well'" he explained" i've confessed, "there's not much point in me being here anymore is there?''
"You realise...."
"Unless you want me to confess your secret for you?" Joe Interrupted.
"Get out of my sight."
Jack let out a sigh, there she was again. Imperatives, but in such a husky voice.



The tabby jumped up on his lap and curled into a purring ball. "Why me?" he thought. "Why does this always have to happen to me?"

"All i want to do is eat this banana', he spoke softly so as not to disturb the cat.

"Ok guys", Joe spoke in an embarrassed tone of voice... "I've been waiting patiently all day for something to happen". He glanced nervously across at Vanessa, who had turned a whiter shade of pale, "but the one person who knows what this is all about, has been playing with our emotions and it is high time for her to spill the beans". Everyone turned expectantly to Vanessa and waited with bated breath....

Vanessa ignored him, and looking directly into Jacks soul she said-"I'll have sex with you if you put the banana back on the table."
Jack hesitated.
"Good, old fashioned and ...slow."
Now Jack was hungry, really, really hungry. But he really really liked Vanessa.
"You would?"
"Hmmm. hi everyone, it's me Jenny. look i'm really sorry to interrupt this but i have to go and get the kids from the school bus, what time do you think this meeting will finish, because if......'
"Shut up Jenny" and still looking into Jack, Vanessa continued "You know you want to' I know you want to."
"What do you mean?' Jack blushed as he spoke.
He turned towards Joe, "here could you take this on the way out?" and held out the cat.



But Vanessa wasn't paying attention to Jack any more. She was staring intently at a pair of shiny red scissors that had appeared on the table. 'Are these what I think they are?', she asked. 'And who's eaten the cheese roll I left here earlier?'

"Look, stop giving me a hard time, I ate the banana AND i ate your stupid cheese roll -there that's TWO CONFESSIONS. i'm out of here and I'm NOT touching that cat - look at it." and with that he slammed the door and was gone, FOR EVER (no matter what Janet says).
Everybody looked at the cat, everybody except Jenny who tried to take advantage of the distraction to slip the red scissors into her bag.
"Not so fast Ms Snip -Snap. You leave them there and well deal with that in a moment." Vanessa had calmed down a little, in a calm-before the storm manner of speaking.
Jenny hissed under her breath, "you know he's going to die don't you?"
"Die?" Jack looked up. "It was only a banana and a cheese roll, not a Happy meal from McDonalds."
"They were genetically transmogified", replied Jenny.
"What are you talking about?" Jack dropped the cat," Hey, this cat has only got three legs!"

Jack was flustered. "Did... did the cat have any of that stuff? I mean, is it instantaneous?"
"Well, sort of."

"Jack, don't worry, it's not the cat that has a problem - except she'll never play football again - it's Joe, joe ate the banana, not the cat"
"er , excuse me?" It was Wendy who until now had been sitting in the corner, she hadn't said a word. "Is any of this on the agenda? I have to CONFESS i thought the meeting was meant to be about the dire sales situation."
"What have you done with my cat ?!!! Thundered Vanessa glaring across the polished table at Jenny.
"Like you asked me, some genetic modification to our banana and cheese range."
"So what in heavens name made you think you could use my cat."
'Look, i'll CONFESS. I've only just started using these contact lenses and i thought your email said MOGification."
"You bitch!"
"Er, you mean that this banana is genetically MOGified with Victoria?"
"Yes."
"But how can that kill Joe?"
"It's not the only thing i added."
Vanessa looked at Jenny like she was a dirty washing up cloth, "Please tell us."
Jack sighed, there was that "please"again, it hadn't meant anything. He was distraught, probably didn't know what he was doing. I don't know what he is doing and i'm the narator.
He bit into the banana.

It was not a particularly good move. The banana was bitter and there was indeed a feline kind of taste about it. "If this is really a genetically mogified banana, at least it's going to give me nine lives", he thought to himself optimistically as all the others stared at him in utter, horrified fascination.

"You stupid, stupid fool," snarled Vanessa, "I would have slept with you."
"Would have you", he was feeling very odd, and seemed unable to speak. "Why did you say that you knew that i wanted to"
"Because i read your e-mails and your private blog, what's the point of being in charge if you don't abuse my power?"
"You read my PRIVATE blog?"
"All very Freudian, especially that advent calender business - mystery behind doors. Anyway," she continued, "you won't have to worry about that anymore, i too have a CONFESSION to make. I've sold the company, so if the cat doesn't kill you unemployment probably will."
And with that Vanessa stood up and left.
" I would have lived for her, now i am going to die because of her"
"Er, no probably because of me actually", confessed Jenny, "she did try to get you to put the banana down."
"You know what the greatest thing someone said about love is?'" asked Jack - to no one in fact, as Wendy and Jenny had followed Vanessa out of the room.
" It was Humphrey Bogart in the film -In a Lonely Place."
The silence around him was complete.
It was night, just the memory of distant sheep bells to jostle with his thoughts.
"I was born when she kissed me, I died when she left me and for a couple of weeks i lived while she loved me."
Life should be like that.

The End 9 am Central European Time



Thanks Anne, Vicki and Janet.