The Final Frontier

I don’t know – recently my friend Dave has said some very nice things about me, mainly on his blog, and even described me as courageous on this one.

But, I don’t know that he’s right.

Sometimes it just feels like futile rage against the pointlessness of being, anger in face of eventual extinction, a huge flapping of arms at the inevitable end.

I met a guy yesterday, a year younger than me, and in talking about his life he said something like – in my job I’m not going to do anything different now.

He was talking about career I think, and it didn’t necessarily mean he saw his other aspects of his life in the same way. Maybe his work is not very important in his grand scheme of things, but it depressed me.

I have never thought like that, always imagining that something else was about to happen.

Perhaps this is foolish self-deception.

Another friend’s ex-wife died last week and it was a surprise. She was fit, healthy, had never smoked, didn’t drink and ate macrobiotic -ly.

Ok, maybe that’s WHY she died, not having enough fun obviously – but the fact that she is/was only 7 years older than me is shocking (to me obviously). I still think I have all the time in the world.

Perhaps this too is foolish self-deception.

Er, yes it is.

I know that but I don’t feel it.

Does that happen, that one day you just give up?

Give up flapping your arms insanely at death?