Monday, 19 January 2026

The Phoning Up.




It’s ten minutes to nine in West Wickham and Catherine is praying.


She is about to go to mass in the local church when the telephone rings and her communication with God is interrupted by someone wishing to wish her happy birthday.


“It was yesterday,” she sounds terse. She isn’t, she’s just tired.


“Eighty?”


“Eighty–one.”


“Aquarius?”


“Ha! Bunch of dreamers! No. Capricorn, responsible and disciplined.”


“You sound well.”


“We’re resistant.”


“We?”


“Goats.”


“Goats?”


“Capricorn.”


The conversation seemed to be going in a circle so the caller-upper said goodbye to the picker-upper and the former went to put ice on a painful leg and the latter went to church.


And the tense being used slipped effortlessly into the past.


The one writing this refilled his cup with recently brewed tea and looked at yesterday’s sketch.


The writer is not an artist.


A trier.

Seeking impossible perfection.

Aquarian.


The phoner-upper suddenly appears in the present, walking into the kitchen where the writer is writing.


She is holding a medicinal ice-pack in one hand and a bag of frozen meat in the other.


“Protein.” 


“You’re going to eat that now?”

 

“No it’s got to thaw first.”


“Which?”


She giggles.


Flexible.

Adaptable. 

Great sense of humour.

Sagitarian.

 




Saturday, 17 January 2026

The Washing Up.




Marine doesn’t like her name.


“Why?”

“Because of her.” 


She doesn’t need to say more, I understand.


Who wants to be thought of alongside the leader of a far right political party?


If your persuasion lies elsewhere.


I try to console her, pointing out that you can probably find a negative connotation for any name.


“This is my brother,” she says introducing me.


His name is … well… I think it begins with a Q and I make an attempt, but there are too many syllables.


“Carlanton,” he repeats. “There’s an apostrophe.”


I hadn’t heard one.


“It’s Corsican.” 


“A Corsican apostrophe?” I’m floundering.


And incapable of thinking of any other Carlanton who may have either a negative or positive connotation.


This Carlanton, however, is nice. 


Clearly NOT a right-wing zealot.


He’s tall too. 


Taller than Marine and taller than me who is taller than Marine and Valou who suddenly appears from behind a rail of second-hand clothes.


“Salut ma Marinette.” Valu is French.

“Salut Valou.” So is Marine.

“That’s a nice name,” I offer Marine. I’m not.


“Valou?” asks Marine.


“No, Marionette.” I explain, making an error that I think is actually fairly funny.


“Marionette, gentille Marionette,” I start singing my own adaption of the French children’s classic Alouette.


The French look at each other.


“Charlton,” I say. I’m thinking out loud, trying to find a song for her brother.


I don’t find one and my voice trails away like a dog with its tail between its legs.


A silence hangs over us.


I know if I say anything else then they will consider me mad.


So I don’t.


I just wait there until they all drift away to other things more interesting.


And then I go back to the washing up I was washing up when Marine and Carlanton washed up where i was washing up.